Zach was only 8 years old when he found out his mum had been diagnosed with cancer.
“Sometime around the middle of 2012, I was told that my mum had been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I didn’t understand what that meant at the time, but I knew something was wrong. She passed away in 2015, and as I grew older, the weight of her diagnosis became clearer, bringing with it an overwhelming sense of guilt.”
Zach said he felt guilty for not grieving the way he thought he should, for not feeling enough, or for not making the most of the time he had with her. As a child, he didn’t fully understand what was happening, and as he grew up, that lack of understanding lingered and turned into guilt.
Feeling confused, guilty and alone
“Because I was so young when my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I didn’t really have access to any support systems at the time. I only had my own ways of coping, like distracting myself from it by obsessively hyper-fixating on hobbies.”
Zach also felt isolated from other people his age. He found it difficult to connect with his peers because he was "the kid whose mum had died of cancer." It was hard to make friends, and it seemed like no one really understood what he had been through. As a result, he struggled with anxiety and depression into his teenage years, and his experience as a young person dealing with trauma affected his personal development in ways he couldn’t have imagined.
"One of the hardest things was not feeling how I thought I was supposed to feel about my mum’s death. I never cried, and I couldn’t understand why. This led to even more guilt as I got older. I became anxious about forming connections because I feared people would leave me, just like my mum did. I’ve heard people say, 'Everyone experiences grief differently,' but I struggled to believe that. It wasn’t until I started seeing a Canteen counsellor that I began to understand what that really meant for me."
Zach joined Canteen when he was 13 and received psychosocial support from our clinical team, which was pivotal for his mental health and wellbeing. "My discussions with the counsellors at Canteen allowed me to have a greater understanding of how I cope with grief and how I can deal with it and come to terms with it in a healthy way without having to feel guilty about the emotions I'm experiencing. This therapeutic support, as well as attending peer events and talking to others my age who had experienced similar losses, was incredibly helpful for my mental health, and it improved my relationship with my family as well."
Building skills and purpose
Zach is involved in the Canteen Leadership Programme, which helps bridge gaps from disrupted education and social isolation, empowering rangatahi with the skills they need to move forward.
The Leadership Programme has had a significant impact on Zach’s life, giving him a sense of purpose, companionship, and fulfilment that he couldn’t find anywhere else. The biggest contributing factors to the boost in his confidence and personal growth from Canteen Leadership were the overwhelming kindness of his peers and the opportunities and challenges the programme provided, from group projects and speeches to leadership camps and festivals.
"One of the most significant moments for me was attending the Canteen Leadership Festival in Sydney, Australia. It gave me the chance to connect with other young people, hear their stories, and realise that I wasn’t alone in what I had experienced. Sharing those meaningful conversations was an important step in being able to share my story more openly. Leadership has also given me the opportunity to challenge myself, and to this day, giving a speech at my school as part of a leadership project is one of the highlights of my journey, and I feel much more comfortable sharing my story now."
At Canteen, Zach has found a community where he can truly feel like he belongs, as well as giving him a sense of purpose through the work he does for the organisation and his peers. "I can’t begin to thank Canteen enough for everything they’ve done for me and so many others like me."
