Father’s Day can evoke a mix of feelings, especially for those who have a Dad being treated for cancer or who have lost their Dad to cancer. Coping with Father’s Day can be difficult if you’re going through times of big change, loss and grief. 

Here are some ideas to help you cope with Father’s Day.

If your Dad has cancer this Father’s Day

For those who have a Dad being treated for cancer, Father’s Day can be a unique experience. While you might not be celebrating the way you usually would, finding meaningful ways to connect and show appreciation can make the day special.  

Simple gestures can have a big impact. Here are a few ideas:  

• Write a letter to Dad, mentioning a special memory that has stuck with you. If you’re feeling creative, add a drawing, create a photo collage, or include pressed flowers. Maybe when you give Dad the letter, you could ask if they have a memory to share about their own childhood or from parenting.  
• Put together a playlist of songs, create a comfy space and make time to hang out. What are some of your Dad’s favourite things? Is Dad a fan of watching sports? Tea or coffee? Toast? See what you might be able to do that will be easily achievable yet a nice thing to do together. 
• Make something for your Dad. Whether you are crafty or can cook, there will be something that, with a little pre-planning and preparation, can be made. The internet is filled with ideas! Remember it doesn’t have to be huge or elaborate.  
• Take photos together to mark the moment. If you or Dad aren’t feeling camera ready, think outside the box. You could take a picture of your hands together it doesn’t have to be a traditional family portrait. 

• Are you able to get out and about? Go to a place where you feel connected. This could be a park, beach, or a cafe. Take a stroll, breathe in the fresh air and if possible, talk about fond memories or funny occurrences.

    

If you’re dealing with Father’s Day without your Dad  

For those grieving the loss of a Dad, it's important to remember that there's no right or wrong way to feel. Grief has no rules - there is no set road map and you might even find that you experience a whole range of different emotions. That’s perfectly normal and fine. Be kind to yourself and don’t place too much pressure on yourself to think or feel a particular way.  

Here are a few suggestions to help coping with Father’s Day without your Dad easier: 

• Consider writing a letter to your Dad. Though he may not be here, putting your thoughts on paper can be a way to validate your emotions and feel closer to him.   
• Focus on a good memory. Bereavement can often bring up feelings of regret, such as wishing you had spent more time together. Feelings like this are okay and common. You can allow space for these emotions, perhaps write any regrets down, or express them some way that feels safe to you. Alternatively, you could try instead to focus on the good times you did have together.  
• Hold a memorial. It doesn’t have to be a big event, it could mean lighting a candle or visiting a special place. You could also spend this day with someone who was also close to your dad, and may be feeling the same way as you. 
• Ease the pain of the day by surrounding yourself with supportive people or planning something with friends to distract you. 
• Connect with your dad through your senses: you could visit your dad’s favourite place, eat their favourite food, wear a piece of their clothing, listen to their favourite music, or find a smell they liked (perhaps a candle or perfume).    

Other guidance on coping with Father’s Day 

• Anticipation: it's common to want to avoid thinking about coping with Father’s Day, but planning ahead can make a positive difference to how you feel. Make some time to do some things you enjoy, or make some plans with a trusted friend or whānau. 
• Make your own choices: take some time to think through what you want to do during this challenging time. Choose if you want to keep up traditions or perhaps do something new and different to mark Father’s Day. Decide who you’d like to have with you at events you do choose to be a part of, or if there may be times you want to be on your own. 
• Compromise: Everyone is different and friends and whānau likely have different views about coping with Father’s Day. Try to respect each other’s needs by agreeing to find ways to compromise. What are you happy to compromise on? What things are so important to you that you don’t want to compromise on them? 
• Focus on a good memory: bereavement can often bring up feelings of regret, such as wishing you had spent more time together. Feelings like this are okay and common. You can allow space for these emotions, perhaps write any regrets down, or express them some way that feels safe to you. Alternatively, try instead to focus on a good memory you did have.  

Support for rangatahi is available no matter where you live in Aotearoa. If you, or someone you know, needs individual support, you can get support here.